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Baby Coping Techniques

I’m blundering through my days with my PTSD keeping me from connecting to a way of living that is nurturing and progressive. Because I’m unable to deal with my problems in a practical way I’m left to the wiles of my broken baby coping techniques.

My negative world view was created by my PTSD from the trauma I had received at different times in my life. Although each incident has a part in my livelihood, it was the first incident occurring at age 2 that was my most defining trauma.

I was without defense as a toddler against a bulging piece of metal looming overhead, with it’s plastic tires on top of me. I had my leg pinched under its wheel intensifying my living nightmare. The feeling of terror was overwhelming as I was pinned underneath a fucking car. My baby coping techniques were created during this traumatic time.

That wasn’t the end of my trauma that day. What happened next was almost worse than being pinned by a car. You see after I was found, my tired Mom took me to the emergency room, and left . Before I knew what was going on, I was faced with deep impact trauma #2. My Mom was told by the staff at the hospital to leave me there overnight, to my utter horror and future reciprocal horrors.

I’m still perplexed by the decision that was made to leave me alone overnight at age 2. Even if I was just in a tragic and devastating accident, I still was only 2 years old and needed to be with my Mom. This was DEVASTATING to my soul, having my Mom leave me during a crucial time in my recovery. Why in the world was I left alone???

Photo by Brett Jordan on Pexels.com

My memory of what I did next isn’t really clear to me but what I do remember is that I became overwhelmed with panic and was paralyzed by fear. Obviously my little body was still overshadowed by the horrific accident and I needed to make sense of my world. It was never given to me and I fell into an abyss of self forgetfulness to ease my pains.

My world was imploding inside me from all the stress, fear and suffering and so I tried to forget myself and why I was there. I tried to ignore my suffering so as to appease it, fallingto sleep eventually. There was no God that I knew of and no way to self soothe myself because I was a baby and didn’t know.


My fundamental way of coping was created at that time and became apart of my being.To feel overwhelming paralyzing panic, then try to block out my stressors is how I dealt with my distress then and how I’ve dealt with my distresses up to now. I’m always carrying around a piece of my trauma response from then. The panic I felt back then I have with me keeping my eye out for unknown factors that could hurt me.

 

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NLM

Hi I'm writing about my life's experiences to bring light on them and to share how I was transformed by them.

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